My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
