I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
