he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
