3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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