Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
