Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
