Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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