Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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