If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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