Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
time to smoke my breakfast
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
