so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
