Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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