How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
