Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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