Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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