the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
