from now on my penis is your penis
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
