if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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