Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
