You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize