you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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