weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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