Umm I'm too high to move.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
