i just wanna soil my oats bro
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize