Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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