so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
