If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
