I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
