Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
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