if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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