I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
