Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
