i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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