I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
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i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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