tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I checked into jail on foursquare
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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