I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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