I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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