Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I had to cum in my sink.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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