Don't you send me to vm
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
