I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
