Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
