I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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