Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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