just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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