At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
