she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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