I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
