Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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