Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
