I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
and you fell through a lawn chair
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