Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
