Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
