You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
