i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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