i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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