discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
