im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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