Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
