I molested 6 butterflies tonight
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
