Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
