don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
