Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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