hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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