I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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