Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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