I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
