Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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