she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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