Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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