i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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