White coat. Heels.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
