So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
