It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
