My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
