Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
