I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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