Well douche your snatch and let's go!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Text me some of your sweat
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize