I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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