They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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