i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
