i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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